October 19, 2010

Dale Carnegie at the Carnegie Deli

Filed under: Uncategorized — boomaga @ 8:15 pm


Dear Sir or Sirs or Madams or Pre-Op transgender,

I am writing in repose to the naked outboard comments made in the last compulsory issue of your alternative weekly.

In particulates, the ladder to the edifice that concerns me concerned the local industrial concern and their new campaign of demonstrating genuine concern in getting to know the people of our fine communicability for themselves (Op. Ed. Feb 8, “Concerning Concerned Concern’s Concern”). So after wrecking one local economy, they have the temerity to claim that through workforce restructuring, outplacement recruitment, super-long vacation instant winner sweepstakes, and Lucky Gold Watch pension-point-rewards, they will be pumping fresh “recently-employed” blood into the mainstream of our communecity.

Whose kid does he think he is ! Questionmark.    Well, wake up, and keep dreaming, and guess what ?    It’s time I said no, I’m putting my foot down in the other shoe, and my shoe’s on the OTHER foot and I’ve walked a mile in them, and the shoe fits,and by Christ I’m wearing it, because I like these shoes and it’s hard to find shoes in my size. When it comes to America, I say, “Hey!”, and then I say, “Hey ! love it or leave some for me !”

Furthermore and without any ado, I would like to correct that apocryphal story attributed to me which appeared under your advice column, implying that it was I that brought the order from the Trilateral Commission inside the WTO and CFR to the Company to kill off MKUltra and Project Majestic because they were getting too close to the Rothschilds.   That’s how it could have happened, but here’s how it REALLY happened ! :

I was having lunch at the Carnegie Deli with Dale Carnegie.  Or, from another point of view, I saw Dale Carnegie having lunch at Carnegie Deli, and I sat down at his table, and he said to me:

You know,  when it comes down to it, our differences are really all the same; pass the pepper here, please; thank you, what’s important, what unifies us, is what keeps each and every one of us out of trouble with the cops.

And I sat there, across from Dale Carnegie, and Dale takes a bite of his Reuben and takes a drink of what I thought was an egg cream but turns out is his medically-prescribed senior nutritional supplement shake, then Dale Carnegie says to me, …  I’ll never forget what he said next,  …  and I still to this day think about what he said, he said…    something so profound and heartbreaking, … and since then I’ve wondered, but these days, I’m older, and I understand, and I believe he meant what he said and was not just trying to win friends or influence people.   He said:

I think peeing and pooping on someone is about the worst thing you can do to them.   Not only is it not very healthy, but it could damage their self-esteem.

After a further chew of kosher meat, he put his sandwich down and pointed a wizened finger at my face and growled:

Listen here, Sonny Jim.   If you’re fighting somebody who’s wearing glasses, just punch their glasses.    It’s okay cause they’re almost all shatterproof plastic nowadays, you’re not gonna get shards of glass in your knuckles.    Just really knock their lights out.

What about braces ?”, I asked.     This startled him, and he acted like he was seeing me for the first time.     “Braces ?,” he repeated, incredulously.

Well if you’re fighting somebody who has braces, don’t be an asshole and just mash your open palm into their mouth – blood goes everywhere,  a lot of blood and screaming and panic.   I mean, if you’re fighting somebody with braces then you might be fighting with a middle schooler, who is probably very awkward and quite probably short, which may initially seem like a winner event but apparently fistfighting with children is “not cool.”

And what about this internet, huh ?   It’s really something, it’s REALLY something.    It’s like there’s this unimaginably huge data dump of electronic data that is flushed down millions of light tubes, flowing from the cities and into an ocean of millions of lonely, lonely people and their lonely little lives, like some species of ungodly crustacean parasite that cluster around a sewer pipe and just shoveling it in with their feelers, digging through it, eating it with a grin !   That’s the power of love.  Can you feel it ?

Yet some of us aren’t so lucky.  Others of us are less fortunate.  And still others haven’t had all the advantages that the not-so-lucky and the less fortunate just take for granted.

Some are born into poverty.   Some are born into sad situations.  And yet still others are born at the Renaissance Fair.

We should all remember this, and always do the best we can to fight the urge to ruin graphite rods in mechanical pencils by fucking around, clicking them out, pushing them back in the narrow end, fucking it up and the long one breaks, and you say, “Aw, shit,” out loud, and then you realize it’s all quiet and look up and everyone at the meeting is staring at you.

Other than that, everything’s looking better for the future.  That’s just how I see it.

The patrolling militias have just called lights-out, so I must close. Thank you for your time and attention and the subscription to Catalog Weekly, Rusty and I both love the Review Reviews section. Night frisbee-golf Tuesday, sound good ?  My best to you and your hostages,

Rowdy “Roddy” Pippen   (v. 1.0.5b)
1501 East Somoza Driveby, Sector C
Nokusubirru-chome, Och Roydge, TN
0011 0111 0001 0011 0010

Computer Love (Kraftwerk Cover)

Filed under: Entertainment, Uncategorized — boomaga @ 7:18 pm


And here’s the other Buzz Stealth pack cover, Kraftwerk’s English language version, from “The Mix,” again rendered using only machines in the Buzz Stealth pack, and should be playable on the oldest and slowest machines.     The .bmw is embedded in the cover art above – one needs to know how to get it.     BTW, the reason it says ActionJacktion is because that’s me on YTMND since boomaga doesn’t go on YTMND anymore.

October 18, 2010

Here Come the Warm Jets – (Brian Eno cover)

Filed under: Entertainment — boomaga @ 3:21 pm

This picture harbors a secret.  I harbored a walleye in my bathtub once.   Look for your free BMW inside.

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